Sunday, February 7, 2010

NOT the Top 5 Anime Movies

The Razzie Award Nominations are out for "Dis-honoring Hollywood's Worst" in movies of 2009 and the past decade. Check them out at HERE.

Until the winners (losers?) are announced, let's share our

NOT the Top 5 Anime Movies

We're not saying these are the worst Anime movies out there; just NOT the Top 5. (Nowhere close)

#5 - Tie--Escaflowne: The Movie
Rahxephon: Pluralitas Concentio
These two movies tie because they both take excellent TV series and leave us with a bad taste in our mouth.

Escaflowne's movie drops the chivalrous European fantasy flavor of the TV show and dons a more Asian/Eastern feel. The movie makers also overhauled character designs--making some almost unrecognizable--on its mission to make it more of an action flick rather than the fantasy mecha romance drama that made the series unique.

RahXephon's movie DOES provide additional exposition and explanation for some of the key character relationships and events. For that, we give it props. But it also tries to adult up the story by including an unnecessary sex scene. Even worse, the film creators commit the cardinal sin of anime movies based on television series--cramming 26 episodes of a show into 2 measly hours.

The creators call it an encore. But if that's what we get for applauding a series, then we should've just stayed in our seats.

#4 - Pom Poko

Far be it from us to criticize any production from Studio Ghibli (Spirited Away, My Neighbor Totoro, Kiki's Delivery Service), but we just can't stomach shape-shifting tanuki ("raccoon dogs") with their--ahem--"pouches" bouncing along while the hijinks abound.

There are much better movies by Ghibli (Princess Mononoke, Nausicaa) that entertain and inspire us to protect the environment. All Pom Poko does is beckon us to the garbage can.

#3 - Robotech II: The Sentinels

Robotech: Macross was a masterpiece of Americanized anime for 36 episodes. And in the mid-1980s, Harmony Gold tried to capitalize on the first Robotech series to make a brand new sequel series. The project lasted long enough to finish only 3 episodes, though, so the creators worked their mixmaster magic and out popped a feature-length film.

The movie is rather forgettable, as it shows an impending danger that never gets resolved in a couple of hours. But Sentinels does show us the wedding of star-crossed lovers Rick Hunter and Lisa Hayes, so for that we won't rank it worse. (You'll always have your music career, Lynn Minmei.)

#2 - Akira

We can hear the "boos" from otaku everywhere. Suck on your inhaler, boys. And rewatch the film and you'll notice that despite it's revolutionary impact on anime, Akira is not that great a movie.

Sure, it's got post-apocalyptic sci-fi action and a sweet motorcycle. But it's also got some hints of misogyny and tired techno-Rambo warfare. Plus, it's guilty of the cardinal sin for anime movies, this time by cramming 2,182 pages of manga into one movie. Out go several subplots and most of the manga's second half. And out goes any second viewing for us, unless Leonardo DiCaprio can ever get the live-action Akira off the ground. (Leo's just that dreamy.)

#1 - M.D. Geist

No controversy here. Every anime viewer knows this movie blows. M.D. Geist is an ultraviolent, poorly animated blend of Mad Max and Universal Soldier without the morality.

Somehow this movie inspired a sequel, which defied all laws of physics and sucked more than the original. The end result was an Akira-like black hole somewhere over Midtown Manhattan.
(Oh wait. That was licensor Central Park Media's bankruptcy.)

Time for a brain cleansing.

And next time we'll look at the Top 5 BEST Anime movies!

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