Top 5 Anime Love Triangles

Have you recovered from Valentine's Day (A.k.a: Singles Awareness Day) yet?

If not, then read no further. It's our

Top 5 Anime Love Triangles

#5 - Tohru, Yuki, & Kyo (Fruits Basket)

Huggers beware! Tohru lives every girl's dream with cute boys who turn into cuddly animals. But really, is there any contest between a cat and rat?

#4 - Kagome, InuYasha, & Koga (InuYasha)

Continuing the animal theme (no beastiality jokes, please), school girl Kagome seems destined to fall for dog half-demon InuYasha. But then wolf demon Koga shows up and thinks he can sweep our heroine off her feet.

Either way you choose, Kagome, you're gonna have flea problems.

#3 - Roger Smith, Angel, & R. Dorothy Wayneright (Big O)

No animals or half-demons here. Just androids. Trust us, it isn't kinky.

In fact, the Roger-Angel-Dorothy triangle features some of the most tender, personal moments of any romantic tale. These three individuals help each other come to view themselves as they truly are, with an unblinking gaze like Dorothy's robotic eyes.

#2 - Isamu, Myung, & Guld (Macross Plus)

Three childhood friends' old scars resurface in adulthood when rivalries and dreams clash. Combine that high concept with transforming fighter jets, space dogfights, and a rogue H.A.L.-like synthetic singer; and you've got a humdinger of a show.

Together with the gorgeous "Voices" song, Macross Plus is surpassed only by its predecessor . . .

#1 - Rick Hunter, Lisa Hayes, & Lynn Minmei (Robotech: Macross)

Admit it, viewers, you cared more about Rick's love life than mankind's survival against the giant Zentradi aliens.

Rick is an upstart Veritech fighter pilot with a heart of gold (sound familiar?). Too bad that same organ is also torn in two by his closest lady friends.

Whom would you choose? Teen pop princess Lynn Minmei? Or Lisa, the honorable First Officer of a giant transforming spaceship? Tough call. And what makes this the #1 love triangle is the show keeps us guessing until the very end.

NOT the Top 5 Anime Movies

The Razzie Award Nominations are out for "Dis-honoring Hollywood's Worst" in movies of 2009 and the past decade. Check them out at HERE.

Until the winners (losers?) are announced, let's share our

NOT the Top 5 Anime Movies

We're not saying these are the worst Anime movies out there; just NOT the Top 5. (Nowhere close)

#5 - Tie--Escaflowne: The Movie

and

Rahxephon: Pluralitas Concentio

These two movies tie because they both take excellent TV series and leave us with a bad taste in our mouth.

Escaflowne's movie drops the chivalrous European fantasy flavor of the TV show and dons a more Asian/Eastern feel. The movie makers also overhauled character designs--making some almost unrecognizable--on its mission to make it more of an action flick rather than the fantasy mecha romance drama that made the series unique.

RahXephon's movie DOES provide additional exposition and explanation for some of the key character relationships and events. For that, we give it props. But it also tries to adult up the story by including an unnecessary sex scene. Even worse, the film creators commit the cardinal sin of anime movies based on television series--cramming 26 episodes of a show into 2 measly hours.

The creators call it an encore. But if that's what we get for applauding a series, then we should've just stayed in our seats.

#4 - Pom Poko

Far be it from us to criticize any production from Studio Ghibli (Spirited Away, My Neighbor Totoro, Kiki's Delivery Service), but we just can't stomach shape-shifting tanuki ("raccoon dogs") with their--ahem--"pouches" bouncing along while the hijinks abound.

There are much better movies by Ghibli (Princess Mononoke, Nausicaa) that entertain and inspire us to protect the environment. All Pom Poko does is beckon us to the garbage can.

#3 - Robotech II: The Sentinels

Robotech: Macross was a masterpiece of Americanized anime for 36 episodes. And in the mid-1980s, Harmony Gold tried to capitalize on the first Robotech series to make a brand new sequel series. The project lasted long enough to finish only 3 episodes, though, so the creators worked their mixmaster magic and out popped a feature-length film.

The movie is rather forgettable, as it shows an impending danger that never gets resolved in a couple of hours. But Sentinels does show us the wedding of star-crossed lovers Rick Hunter and Lisa Hayes, so for that we won't rank it worse. (You'll always have your music career, Lynn Minmei.)

#2 - Akira

We can hear the "boos" from otaku everywhere. Suck on your inhaler, boys. And rewatch the film and you'll notice that despite it's revolutionary impact on anime, Akira is not that great a movie.

Sure, it's got post-apocalyptic sci-fi action and a sweet motorcycle. But it's also got some hints of misogyny and tired techno-Rambo warfare. Plus, it's guilty of the cardinal sin for anime movies, this time by cramming 2,182 pages of manga into one movie. Out go several subplots and most of the manga's second half. And out goes any second viewing for us, unless Leonardo DiCaprio can ever get the live-action Akira off the ground. (Leo's just that dreamy.)

#1 - M.D. Geist

No controversy here. Every anime viewer knows this movie blows. M.D. Geist is an ultraviolent, poorly animated blend of Mad Max and Universal Soldier without the morality.

Somehow this movie inspired a sequel, which defied all laws of physics and sucked more than the original. The end result was an Akira-like black hole somewhere over Midtown Manhattan.

(Oh wait. That was licensor Central Park Media's bankruptcy.)

Time for a brain cleansing.

And next time we'll look at the Top 5 BEST Anime movies!

Top 5 Babe Mecha Pilots

Capping off our month-long feature of mecha pilots, we turn our attention to the fairer sex—the

Top 5 Babe Mecha Pilots:

#5 - Karen Joshua

(Mobile Suit Gundam: The 08th MS Team)

Master Chief Petty Officer Karen Joshua is the 08th MS Team’s second-in-command and one tough lady. Don’t tick her off on the battlefield. Karen used to be a medical student, though, so she can tend to your wounds after she punches your lights out.

#4 - Asuka Langley Soryu

(Neon Genesis Evangelion)

A lot of attention goes to that other female Eva pilot—Rei Ayanami. But we’ll pick a feisty redhead over a waify albino girl any day. No Freudian mother issues to deal with, either.

#3 - Kallen Stadtfeld/Kouzuki

(Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion)

In a show of strangely skinny and oblong character designs, mecha pilot Kallen never fails to be babe-iful. Of course, it doesn’t hurt that the animators seem to put her in the most compromising positions whenever she plops into her Guren-Mk II’s cockpit.


#2 - Yoko Littner

(Gurren Lagann)

Sure, Yoko bounces around in a bikini top and lugs a ginormous sniper rifle when she’s not piloting her Dayakkaiser mecha. But she’s just as skilled in a classroom full of elementary kids. Cue Van Halen, cuz we’re hot for teacher.

That’s four redheads in a row. Time for a new color. (And some much needed modesty, which to be honest, ladies, goes a lot farther with us.)

#1 - Miriya Parina Sterling (Robotech: Macross)

When we first meet Miriya, she’s the finest combat pilot in all the Zentraedi forces—and a giant alien. If that’s not cool enough, she tried to kill her future husband Max with a knife. And she can play video games. Bonus.
Miriya even takes her infant daughter Dana along in her Veritech cockpit when fighting the bad guys. Not exactly mother of the year material, but definitely proof that Miriya is a woman among girls in the Babe Mecha Pilot category.

That’s our list, showing that gals are just as skilled as the guys in mecha pilot mastery. And much easier on the eyes.

Susan B. Anthony would be proud.

Top 5 Coolest Mecha Pilots

Last time featured the well-known "whiny mecha pilot" anime archetype. Now let's do a complete 180-turn and focus on something much better--the

Top 5 Coolest Mecha Pilots.

These are the guys we WANT to be; the fact they pilot a giant robot is just icing on the cake!

#5 - Kamina (Gurren Lagann)

Not everyone can lead a stampeding herd of mole-pigs to the top of their underground city's roof. And not everyone has a city named in their honor, either. Of course, not too many folks use the catchphrase, "Who the hell do you think I am?!" We'd list Kamina higher on the cool list, but not until he puts a shirt on.

#4 - Van (Gun x Sword)

It helps that Van looks a lot like Cowboy Bebop's own Spike Spiegel (perhaps the coolest anime character ever). Van makes his own fashion statement though, wearing a swallowtail tuxedo and droopy Stetson-style hat. His coolest accessory is his shape-memory cloth "sword," but Van is usually more interested in dousing his meals with mixed sauces. Maybe his wardrobe should come with a condiment belt.

#3 - Duo Maxwell (Gundam Wing)

In a show full of pretty boy pilots in need of Prozac, Duo sticks out as the stud who smiles while he wipes out mecha armies with his Deathscythe Gundam. Who knew a "god of death" could be so fun?

#2 - Max Sterling (Robotech: Macross)

Max is living the dream. He's an ace Veritech fighter pilot for the SDF-1, and that's not the best part. Max makes our list because he snagged his hot alien wife by first defeating her at a video arcade game, then out-dueling her in a knife fight. Mrs. Miriya Sterling then becomes his wingmate, fighting beside Max in her very own Veritech fighter. Just keep an eye on that girl in the kitchen.

#1 - Roger Smith (The Big O)

Comic books have Batman, and anime has Roger Smith, Paradigm City's Negotiator. Like Bruce Wayne, Roger has his wide array of gadgetry: grappling hook-shooting wristwatch, rocket-launching Griffon sedan, memory metal lock-pick, and more. But instead of donning cape and cowl, Roger jumps into the cockpit of his giant megadeus Big O to fight giant-sized mecha crime. And in place of Boy Wonder Robin, Roger's sidekick is the cute sardonic android R. Dorothy Wayneright. "It's Showtime!"

And it's go time! Stay cool, everyone.